


EMPIRE approved biological educational  material reel 1 (stand alone short)

by Pyrodarknessanny



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, OC, Spoof, non Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-19 16:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22067650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyrodarknessanny/pseuds/Pyrodarknessanny
Summary: a parody of those old educational videos  detailing state/military approved sex ed for Irkens.this applies only to my OC universe but feel free to adapt these concepts as you see fit.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	EMPIRE approved biological educational  material reel 1 (stand alone short)

1950s style educational video media .  
  
the presentation opens with a crackled audio soft music plays as the narrator starts .  
  
the Irken military department of education presents “WHAT’S IN A SMEET”  
  
our programme today will arm you with everything a model citizen needs to know about where Smeets come from in our fabulous modern world .  
  
  
now you might think , what would the average worker drone need to know about this ?  
Smeets come from the incubation machines ,  
  
well curious young ones that wasn’t always the case.  
  
before the glorious industrialization of the empire Irkens , like many other primitive races manufactured their young organically.  
  
now this grotesque but important duty wasn’t assigned to just any old Irkens , no sir’ree.  
  
the Irken race had a special class who’s only job the colony was to create Smeets.  
  
now let us observe these unique individuals.  
  
*the footage shows a somewhat gangly Irken who awkwardly stands out from a group of much shorter ones* the gangly Irken waves at the camera  
  
here we see the Irken Alate , isn’t she something, notice that she is taller than the workers around her. Not so tall as to be mistaken for the tallest mind you ha ha.

Unlike the worker females her antenna are uncoiled with the end buds feathered.   
  
this unique adaptation allows her to sense and send out special pheromone signals.

These coded messages will tell her when it is time to begin the mating rituals.  
  


Look at her back,   
  
*the gangly Irken turns around to show a set of wing buds*

In time she will undergo her nuptial moult her wings will be fully developed, and she will have grown in size to prepare her for the ordeals ahead!  
  


*the young Alatae looks markedly concerned now*

this fine specimen along with her sisters will have the honoured opportunity to help the colony grow in numbers but

She wont be able to accomplish her mission alone however. To create Smeets organically she is going to need a bit of help.

Now let us observe the male breeding drone.

*the camera pans over to some random Irkens crowding a snack bar , most of them scamper off as the camera operator and narrator approach, one Irken remains, he leans back on the counter and makes finger guns at the camera with a click click noise trying to be cool, his antenna are also feathered and stand erect unlike the regular Irkens he was surrounded by*  
  
this chipper fellow is one of many special drones, unlike his fellow workers and soldiers this fine specimen has a set of organs that they don’t have.  
  
the gonads, yes these organs will allow him to mate one of the female Alates giving her the necessary genetic materials to build a Smeet. But only if he has luck on his side!.  
  
because these special organs also produce behaviour changing hormones the male drones are violent toward one another. Fighting often breaks out among their ranks.  
  
*anther drone is forcibly pushed in shot , off view of the camera they are both handed knives, the first drone shrugs and initiates the fight, the 2 brawl whilst the narration continues*  
  
  
these fights can last hours and often end in death for the looser.  
but that’s not the only danger these able bachelors will face.  
  
the footage changes to live action documentary footage of a praying mantis eating its mate.  
  
if dissatisfied with the males approach the female may cannibalise him!  
  
the footage changes again to show the mating habits of honey bees  
  
a successful mating however will also lead to great pain and eventual death for the male.  
after completing his part of the ritual his gonads will explode causing internal bleeding and eventually death, do not mourn for him tho , through his sacrifice our great race will birth the next generation.  
  
the footage now changes to show a post mated Alate undergoing a horrific moult .

Ah yes here we see the miracle of life under way having mated successfully our Alate  
*it’s the same gangly Irken from early in the presentation*  
is undergoing one last moult , her body must change drastically now as she gets ready to lay the eggs that contain our Smeets.

*the Alate shrieks in agony as her wings drop and her whole body starts to swell and pulsate, her old skin dries out and rips as she metamorphoses in to something horrible.  
  
the footage then cuts away to a termite queen laying eggs before we see the end of the Irkens horrific transformation. *  
  
for the rest of he life the new queen mother will lay eggs day in day out she will be horrible screaming pain but this is necessary for the continuation of the species. 

The camera shows a small Irken child

"I thought the Smeet fairy broughted me?"  
  
Chuckles  
  
"No little one. THERE IS NOT SMEET FAIRY AND YOU'RE WRONG!!"  
  
Someone stamps "Defective" on the small Irken and she is dragged away screaming, robot arms bring in a smaller cuter Irken,  
  
the smaller Ikern shouts “LEARNING ROCKS!” with both fists in the air  
  
it sure dose , no BE QUIET AND PAY ATTENTION!

Now aren’t you glad that technology has rendered these barbaric practices obsolete ?  
with the power of science Smeets are now born in a cleaner , safer environment and giving the ridged structure they require to become model citizens .  
  
without it the Smeets become feral , primitive creatures lack the good morals and sharp dress sense of todays Irken!

A group of nervous worker Irkens approach the camera and narrator.  
  
one of them worriedly puts up their hand to ask a question.  
  
  
worried Irken : yeah um we wanted to know, how can we be sure we’re safe from ever enduring these horrors?  
  
  


We’re glad you asked civilian!  
  
the footage changes to show a some what stylized cartoony anatomy type diagram

If you or someone you know experiences any of the following symptoms report it to your superior officers IMMEDIATELY . 

  * Unexpected growth spurts
  * Itching , constant painful itching
  * A sudden urge to dig or seek out places of dirt
  * Anti Utopian behaviours
  * An unquenchable hunger
  * Sensitivity to light and sound
  * Sweaty palms



By alerting your superior officers to these unfavourable changes you can make a difference in keeping our colony safe!

Worried Irken : but what about our safety?

Not to worry citizen, all we be taken care of, the empire offers only very best in care for its loyal people. 

Worried Irken: that idn’t answer ..  
  
THE VERY BEST IN CARE.  
  
guards rush in and cart off the Irken who was asking too many questions, they shove her in an air lock and launch the pod sending her off into the dark void of space.

  
  
now that you know what “it” is , don’t do it.  
  
the video ends with a warning card sanctioned by the military under order of a past tallest that engaging in, or conspiring to participate in activities relating to organic reproduction are offenses punishable by exile. The print in the warning is very fine and almost unreadable.


End file.
